I'm fustrated, my mind is overflowing...My thoughts are not being heard, or maybe I'm just not expressive enough...So many days have passed, I feel like its all a blur and I'm just wasting my time...
I feel like my foots in my mouth and I cant express my words...
Ever feel like u don't belong? Or like when your with the wrong crowd and u kind of don't fit in? Or how about when people say they can read you like a book, its really irritating and could be annoying.
I feel like there's a sword piercing through my heart, Its just pounding faster and faster... What do people want from me? Or more like what don't they want from me?
what do people expect of me? Do I really expect too little of myself?
All I want is to be true and honest with myself...
but that's when the fustration kicks in... It seems like noone cares or noone is intrested and it makes me feel down and upset...Or maybe I'm just being jugementle
I just feel empty
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13 comments:
Sorry you are feeling down. You expressed your feelings so beautifully. Lots of tough times in highschool. Hope things get easier for you soon.
It must be the Israel bug
Esther...
In being honest with yourself, no one else need interfere. Its being honest with YOUrself.
Its important for every person to know where he has come from, and where he is going. Have a goal, something to move toawards.
It shouldnt frustate you becuase noone else should be involved in this honest self evaluation. Just you. it doesnt mean to become all self righteous either.. notice " where you came from and where you are going." if you dwell on where you are now it is self destructive. you can become quite content with the you, you are now, or really dissappointed to a point where your unmotivated, and unwilling to move. So the key is to have a goal, to know what you value, and to know what you surely do not. Then to move towards attaining all those values, and while some may feel out of character at first, at least set them as a goal, because one day you will turn around and realize that you have come a long way, and all of a sudden all those goals are handy. It seems far off now...
the fact that you are in a place where those who surround you may not be up to the best things, was meticulously planned by G-d. there is something he wants for you to do there, He wants you to get your hands dirty. No dirt is too dirty, and this doesnt mean to stand up like a preacher and say to everyone " ok guys bar hopping isnt good..." you will never achieve anything that way. the greatest message you can give everyone is to maintain your dignity, your character, and all that you stand for, and yet still be able to accept everything they are...
feeling like you dont belong, is feeling that you would do better somewhere else, somewhere where doing the right thing is a given. Not like where you are, where doing the right thing is hardly recognized by anyone. Thats the best place to do all the right things, becuase it makes you a real person.
It reinforces the idea which Chassidus so strongly stresses. Sincerity, do it for real, no matter who is watching, do it becuase it is really you, not merely something you do.
Esther, in life wherever you go, you may not always find yourself surrounded by people who support all your ways, and they may even be close to you. So learning to swim above water is a great oppurtunity. G-d placed you there by divine will, he wants something from you, and if its hard it doesnt matter, all the more reason to give it your all. If its hard it means G-d really trusted you enough to give it your best shot. Dont let Him down.
love,
Your friend that never calls.
social worker...not quite in high school anymore those days are over.... but i'm im sem... its alright ... ill figure it all out soon
nemo.... ye i guess i do have the isreal bug... did u ever get it?
and anonymouse... all i can say is that i miss talking to you and i miss you tons...love ya thakns for the adivce!!!!
oyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love u so much!!!
call me every day! k?k!
mwaaaaaaaaaa
coz im leaving on a jet plane!
Esther, this post is pathetic! How'd you let yourself get into such a sick rut?? You wanted a post... I gave you a mean one! I'm crying for you, not blaming you.. we MUST talk!..
I know what you mean. I sometimes wonder what people want from me also
and what do you do about it? do you just let it pass? and ignore it and wait till something esle happends and build up the anger? or ....
Either I vent to myself or I talk to my sister which helps
esther - i know lod is a ____ hole - we called it "the hole of israel" like the aussie song, theres a hole in australia called (sydney or melbourne depending on whichever place ur NOT from lol)
nemos right - there is such a thing as the israel "bug" but it can take a variety of forms...
go to the kotel. at midnight on a friday night. thats what i did. let it affect you - thats all i can say.
gluck girl!
Esther..cheer up ur the best :)we all love you:) look at the bright side- u can always have ur dorm counslers as friends- theyre cuties:)
Miss you girl,
(im finally posting)
u know who ;)
wow, lod huh? def anticlimatic after an israeli sukkos. cant say i kno what ur going thru, cuz i was in yerushalayim, but knowing girls who went to lod, i can imagine. but no worries-it has to`get better right? take the night off and go to ben yehuda or the kotel or something. enjoy it while it lasts, sem doesnt last forever, but its great while it does.
Ditto to mindless cravings!
(though sorry for eating your bissli!)
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