SHABBOS IN CHEVRON

well well... shabbos was amazing! its unbelievable how people live in chevron and are so strong and brave to live everysingle day of theire lives without fear...
I was petrefied to walk in the streets of chevron it is so scary to know that any second some stupid arab can just shoot and kill anyone. Everytime i would walk out of out hostel i would tell the soldiers how scared i am and ask them if they can walk me ... they got pretty offended when i said i was scared... How can i say im scared when they are there to protect me and make sure nothing happends...they kept telling me how i have to have Emunah and i have to trust in G-d and that there is nothing to be afraid of because G-d watches over us...

The people there are amazing I heard ausome stories its cool to know that i was walking where our 4 fathers walked and and where yitzchak had his bris and to visit yishai and ruth's keiver and to go in to Avraham Avinu shul....its unreal... to go to Mearas Hamachpeila friday night and daven with the calbach minyan its stuning... I LOVE CHEVRON...

memorable Fabrengen

So... Last night we were supposed to have this guy fabreng with us but last minute he cancelled we find out one of our teachers is coming to fabreng,and I personaly do not like him.
moving on were sitting at ourweekly fabrengen and the Rabbi walks in and the usual were all Talking and making as if he wasn't there...
He speaks up and says
"Girls what is a fabrengen?"
a girl replies .... "Its when you open up" and girls just gave the regular answers. Anyway so he goes on and asks a question... Does anyone want to be by yechidus with the Rebbe? So some said yes I wish... Others said no I would be so scared ....
then he goes on and starts saying how we have to be real.. we have to be hoest with ourselves... we have to face the truth!He asked us when the last time we were truthfull to ourselves...?
anyway we have a long discution and he stops and says "girls do you want to sing?" so were like no we just want to continue. So he said girls do me a favor im gonna leave the room and ur gonna sing a niggun and ur gonna sing this niggun till you feel like ur in a certain place and u feel like ur there, and you facing yourselves....

Ayayayayaya.... The niggun goes on and it starts of with 2 people singing, then 3 ... eventualy it was most of us and its getting louder and louder and higher and higher...
I close my eyes and think so hard , I picture myself in a forest standing alone in the rain ... And its pouring and I'm singing this niggun lower and then I start singing it louder and im just standing in one place and i'm not going anywhere... im not moving. As I start singing the niggun louder I start walking faster and faster and eventualy I'm running... I bound to find myself in front of 770 waiting to be the next one in line and the door knob is turning and my heart stops....
REALITY JUST HIT...

Blockage

My mind swells up in confusion... Why am I confused? Why can't I just get the picture? My head lightly falls as it gently hits my arm... I feel the sensation of my eyelashes flicker up and down on my arm... As I'm drifting off, my eyelashes pierce together, a sea of words envelope me... The words being spoken out loud, but seems far from a distance. Something is blocking, and i feel deafness, why can't I understand? Why does it seem all lost...sometimes you think you've got it all figured out... But it's more than that... my goal is to go beyond all this, and wake up, snap out of it, this is reality!

Thoughts of my day

I'm fustrated, my mind is overflowing...My thoughts are not being heard, or maybe I'm just not expressive enough...So many days have passed, I feel like its all a blur and I'm just wasting my time...
I feel like my foots in my mouth and I cant express my words...
Ever feel like u don't belong? Or like when your with the wrong crowd and u kind of don't fit in? Or how about when people say they can read you like a book, its really irritating and could be annoying.
I feel like there's a sword piercing through my heart, Its just pounding faster and faster... What do people want from me? Or more like what don't they want from me?
what do people expect of me? Do I really expect too little of myself?
All I want is to be true and honest with myself...
but that's when the fustration kicks in... It seems like noone cares or noone is intrested and it makes me feel down and upset...Or maybe I'm just being jugementle
I just feel empty

Suckot in israel

suckot in israel was beutifull! Just coming to the kotel friday night and seeing thousands of people davening with theire heart and souls... Its just stuning...
Then you see a bunch of seminary girls just grabing random people and soldiers and just dancing away at the kotel! where else would u see this? I dont know why the Israelies would pack up thiere bags for Tishrei and move to crown hieghts? I mean i understand they want to be with the Rebbe... we feel the Rebbe here to ... we are in the holy land... the jewish land ... where everything happend... where in the world would you see suckas everywhere? and going to the arba minim shuck erev suckot where thousands of people are selling esrogim and lulavim...? its pretty ausome...I think!
just so many things happend over suckot ... i can sit and write for hours all the dramatic experiences... trying to get on a bus to chevron to be with everyone and go to the kvorim you got pushed and smashed and kicked and literly people risked theire lives to go to chevron and im not exagerating... my friend got a tomato smashed in her face all this to be in chevron! on the way back from chevron was even worse it was insane we tried leaving chevron at 5 30pm we didnt get on a bus till 11pm you had to seriously push and push and push and squish to get on a bus and its like all of a sudden shomer negiah doesnt exsist... u have the frumest rabbies with payis down to thiere toes pushing you and smashing you... its a real turn of, u would think they are so frum that when u ask for directions they stop for a second ...look dow and walk away... they wouldnt look at a girl but when it comes to gettig back home... they can touch,push,squeeze,bite,hit,curse... the whole 9 yards.. wtvr! but in the end it was worth the trip to chevron i had a blast dancing with all my friends at the concert!
anyway like i said i can sit an write for hours lots of thoughts are going on in my head!!! and i wish i could but i dont have much time to be online
anyway guys israel is cool so far! i'm sure it will get better! its only the begining
love you all and miss you tons!!

Regards from israel #2

hey ...
how are you? i miss you all so much it feels so weired not to talk to you so often anymore... well today was quite an emotional day for me... I went to the kotel for the second time, this time we went with the whole seminary we toured yerushalim and stuff and then our last stop before we would return to Lod was the kotel. Since we had free time before that i went to the kotel with a few girls.... as I'm walknig through security, all of sudden i see thousands of soldiers... It was absolutly stunning.... serisouly ...i've never seen soo many soldiers before.. i just stood on top of a mountain and watched what was going on.
A soldier on the side crying as he was saying goodbye to his family
another soldier huging his mother... It was time, time for them to be sworn in to the army for about 4 years and they wont be with thiere familys, they will be here for us... saving our lives making sure we are protected... then a few minutes later as i watcher them being sworn in the army by the kotel holding a torah in thier hand... all of them were getting ready and they are all saying bye to there families ... and taknig pictures... and they just looked sooo happy to be doing it like all of them have a smile on thiere faces and they are so confident about it... it was stunnig i just like burst out crying.. it was really emotional for me i was thiking about "on a mountain of isreal" .... so many things were flaring through my mind... and then it jsut hit me... i am in isreal! im in the holy land.... this place is amzaing... I better start making the best of it before its too late...

Ahh... I'm in Israel

well well
once again i dont have much time to write! but ill give you a quick preveiw of my first week in Lod! ko so i got off the airport i thought i was landing in a farm! isreal was not what i expected well.. i was told to kiss the floor since it was my first time here so i did!!! then we went to yerushalim that night and ate at ben yehuda! i guess thats where the action is and all the music and dancing that i expected! but thats pretty much it .. i havent gone to the kotel yet but i will G-D willing go tomorrow morning and daven at the kotel and im realy excited!

so honestly its not so bad i actualy like it! eventhough its a hole and theres nothing to do here... but the people are great, the girls are fun and were learning a whole lot! so thats pretty good!
the funniest thing is that i dont know a word of hebrew and half my clases are in hebrew so i get a kick out of those clases!!! anyway guys i have sooo much to write in so little time... so ill jsut leave you all with a small thought! life is great and make the best of it learn as much as you can seriously... the holy land needs our prayers!!
love you and miss you all!!!!

Cuz I'm leaving on a Jet plane....

Ok so wow .. I cant believe im leaving in a few days to The holy land!
I've never been there before, therefore I don't know what to expect? last time someone told me about Israel I just imagined it so amazing...

like ur walking down the streets
you see people on camel's ...
you see people riding horses ...
and there is music playing in the streets and
you see kids are dancing and smiling...
you see everyone in a circle dancing at the kotel friday night...
and my list went on and on....

But I don't think that's what its like now??
after hearing all the news that's been going on in Israel and all the war...Now all
you see is people being killed
you hear the bombs from your front portch
you see kids crying cuz there father just died in the war...
you see a baby with blood dripping down her face...
you see soldiers risking there lives for us everyday...
you see an Arab stabbing a knife in to someone's stomach...

It's painfull seeing and hearing all these things ....


I'm nervous... Am I ready to put myself out there?
I'm pertrified ...What if I hear the bombs?
I'm shaking... Why am I so ...
I'm scared...I'm scared of loosing my friends ...
I'm nervous...To come back home after I go...
I'm scared ...to get of the plane and dont know where to go....
I'm shaking...What if i get sick? who will take care of me?

Why am I so scared?
imagine Me alone in Israel?
I mean I did it before ,when I left home for 2 years I went to new York all alone? so why am I so scared to go away again?
I mean Its not just a Bus ride home that everytime I get in to a bad mood I can just hop on the bus and I'm home in a few hours...
I mean I'll be missing a lot of action that's gonna be happening I"yh my 2 sisters will be having babies... It's my last cuzzins bar mitzva ill be missing... Do I want to miss all that to go to Israel?
I mean when will I ever have a chance to go to seminary again?

I know what im doing is right , right?

so am I ready to listen to all the rules?
am I ready to learn all day and sit in a desk?
am I ready to just listen to the teachers?
am I ready to be the best I can be?
am I ready to reach my goals?
am I ready to get inspired and let them inspire me?
am I ready to give it all I've got?
am I ready to change the world?

so now its all up to me .... It's in my hands....

I am ready to listen to the rules!
I am ready to leanrn all day and sit in a desk!
I am ready to listen to the teachers!
I am ready to be the best I can be!
I am ready to reach my final goals!
I am ready to get inspired and let them inspire me
I am ready to give it all I've got
I am ready to change the world

Sooo.... Basically I AM READY!

see you all in Jerusalem!!!! Have a great year... I hope to have some internet acces there ... and ill soon let u know wat my number is!!!
i'll miss u all soo much!

special child

It was an ordinary day and I was doing my usual Sitting online at the computor. I was speaking to a friend and she asked me if i was intrested in joining her for a very rewarding and accomplishing week at the friedship circle camp... So I said of course! I'd love to!
The last time I did FC I was in 9th grade and the year after that I left to New York and I never had a chance to do FC again.
I was kind of nervous coming back to the FC being that I hadn't worked with special needs children in 3 years...
well anyway I went Monday morning... As I walked in I was greeted by the person who is in charge with a huge smile! "I'm so happy you could make it we really missed you here" I told her it was my pleasure"...
Then I saw a special child and I looked at her and she looked at me ... And all of a sudden she ran to hug me! A tear rolled down my cheek , I was in shock! This special child remembered me from 3 years ago? I gave her a hug and smiled from ear to ear!
Now let me tell you ...These kids are some special kind of people that were put down in this world for a reason. We may not know exacly why they are the way they are and yes, I'm sure, it's hard to accept something like this in life...But they are the happiest kids ever. I asked Lindsey (one of the special children) "Lindsey what was the best thing that happend to you this summer.. she said "I got a boyfriend! so I smiled and said now something even better is going to happen, We are going to have the most amzaing day today! And she said yayyy I can't wait!
A mother told me on monday... "One side of my face is glowing-I have a huge smile on it, and on the other side of my face I have a tear strolling down...So she went on to say .. The tear because unfortunately my child is handicapped and a smile because you people are here for him and giving him a great time!...

Life in the ocean...hold ur breath..!

"The ocean of life is conquerable....with a lifejacket"
I once had a dream. A father was teaching his only son about the ocean of life. In a gentle tone, he began: "My son, precious child. Together we stand at the threshold of on ocean. So serene the waters appear. Know, understand, there are undercurrent too strong to conquer on your own. The greatest gift I can give you, is a lifejacket. "My son, choose not for colors, but for quality. Take thought to tie the knot carefully. Once you do, my boy, the lifejacket will stay at your side forever. "The water is wet, there are stormy seas ahead. Alifejacket will not keep you dry. But, it will keep you afloat and support you always. "There are times when lifejackets tear. Patch them up my son, for they are too precious to discard. Look ahead, my boy. Enjoy life to its fullest. You will always survive if you have a lifejacket" With this piece of advice, the son went to greet the ocean of life, I woke and thought about the father's advice, I appreciated its truth.Life appears simple, as we begin. But there are hidden trials lurking about. Life is too difficult to conquer on your own. But with a friend...Choose not for outer appearance but for quality. Be thoughtful and giving to them as well. Once you do, your true friend will stay at your side foreverLife can cause tears. There can be rough times ahead. A friend wont miraculously turn your world pink, but it will help you cope. And support you always.There are times when even good friendships have their rough spots. Patch them for they are too precious to discard. Look ahead, enjoy life to its fullest. You will survive for the ocean of life is conquerable- once you have friendship.

how much longer?

Dear G-D

I write to you because I realized You are my last hope and I have no one else to turn to. These past few weeks, the world seemed like it was coming to an end. It’s been tough for many people. Unfortunately, You took away loved ones and people suffered. What has this world come to? People just don’t know what to do or where to turn....The situation in the world and in Israel alone is just getting worse and worse each day ... dozens are dying, hundreds are wounded. Babies are being killed, just innocent little kids! What did they do to deserve to die? Why them? Why anyone? I know you’re the only One who can answer my questions....and I don’t know if u will... but let me tell YOU, WE are all fed up in this world we really are! We try doing so much. We encourage people to do good and see good in everything ...We see the Israeli soldiers putting on teffilin everyday and trying to save Israel. They’re just trying to do the right thing.....Why do we have to keep fighting in this world? when is this gonna end?

I'M just one little person in your big world and I know I’m here for a reason.

Although im still not quite sure what my purpose is, I know that if I look and work hard enough, i will find out sure enough."

But for now, I'm doing my best, hoping to make u happy and living one day at a time...

lifes choices

Choices

Some people sit – some people try

Some people laugh – some people cry

Some people will – some people won’t

Some people do – some people don’t.

Some people believe and develop a plan

Some people doubt – never think that they can
Some people face hurdles and give it their best
Some people back down when faced with a test

.

Some people complain of their miserable lot

Some people are thankful for all that they’ve got

And when it’s all over — when it comes to an end

Some people lose out and some people win.

We all have a choice — we all have a say

We are spectators in life or we get in and play

Whichever we choose — how we handle life’s game

The choices are ours — no one else is to blame.

ok well... Someone sent me this and i really liked it alot and think its totaly true! and speaks for itself...

people... tell me wat you think ?

Its worth it!....

Reporting :

Yup, its there.. The dirt, the pain, the confusion, all that's going on today in Isreal and in the world and sometimes we let it all out.. On Him..

But guess what?

G-d doesn't need you to report on the dirt in His world. He is quite aware of its existence; He put it there and doesn't really care to hear about it.
He sent you here to search out the jewels hidden in the mud, clean them and polish them until they shine. And when you bring them to Him, the angels make a crown of them for Him, saying, "Look what Your children have made for You out of the mud!"

Basically its saying... That G-d put you on this world to do something and He doesn't need you to "report the dirt," meaning He put the dirt in this world for us to elevate it and make something good from it. He knows what He put in this world.. He doesn't need you to tell him .... So ur job is u have to find the dirt but now a days the dirt is not soo hidden and u have to take the dirt and elevate it make it shiny and jewels

Ya it seems really hard to do nowadays almost impossible but..nothing is impossible because we can do it... And that's our job and once we do it Hashem is gonna be soo happy and send moshiach
I know its hard for everyone .. It is really hard, its hard for me, its hard for you.. I know..I really know... But I also know that in the end its all worth it.
Stay strong ...No matter where you come from, no matter what your challenge is....

Remember one more thing: Instead of asking how life is treating you... Ask how ur treating life!!

Greater Reward!

A little girl won a strand of fake pearls in a spelling bee.When she returned home that day after school she carefully showed them to her father, her face shining with glee!...later that evening her father came to tuck her in to bed and say shema.

He asked her

"my daughter do you love me?"

to which she replied

"of course daddy!"

"would u give me anything he then asked"?

she nodded fervently

"may I have ur necklace of pearls"?

he asked...

"Daddy,"

she sighed

"I'll give u anything, take my dolls...My stickers..anythings besides those pearls"

slightly disappointed in his daughters reply he kissed her good night and left the room.

The same scenario we occur night after night until one evening he came to her room and asked

" Do you love me" ?

"Would you do anything for me"

again she nodded in response.

but before he had the chance to open his mouth she held out with her tiny fists with tears streaming from her eyes. Taking the pearls from her hand, a large smile spread over his face as he handed her a small velvet box. She looked at him curiously as she took it. She opened the lid and squealed in excitment. In her hands she now help a strand of real genuine pearls!

This is a lesson for us we are now in a world where we just need to try and do good, and we know its hard and there are so many challegens and experiences we go through everyday in our lives, but we know that in the end its worth it! there are so many things out there that are not good for us and we have temptations to do them but we know that once we conquer our Yetzer Horah and get over it by not doing it, And looking beyond all this because there's a greater thing out there!...that's what's gonna bring moshiach!

like the little girl who didn't want to give her father the pearls.. But in the end she gave it up because she knew she would get a greater reward..

So by us giving up all the things we know arent so good.. G-d will give us an even greater reward and that is Moshiach....

Love you chanale...

WhAt'S LiFe aLl AbOut?

sOoO... Now that I told you how amazing BAISCHANA is ...

What's life all about?

we all want different things... But life isn't fair ...Some people try hard in life and don't succeed...Some people don't try at all and are given everything on a silver platter....So what's life all about?

Can u find happiness without living? NO!..Life is not all about YOU! A person who just thinks about themselves all day doesn't have a life...life means doing something for others. Taking yourself out of the picture! Do something for someone else!

some people mistaken life and existence.. And don't know the difference between them... Life cant be hard...The worst your existence is the more life you need! Exist means fulfilling your needs but if having wat you need is existence than wat is life?

life is the reason that justifies existence, existence for a human is nasty its depressing... So now wats the purpose of life? life is the purpose! and the purpose of existence is what you need from life!

life is what you give, its wat your needed for.

the purpose of life is to serve not to have...

existence means to have and life means to serve!

"noone promised you a rose in the garden"

just do good...Do more...Keep doing... Till you have a purpose for life!

p.s. guys i miss you all... and remember one good deed can tip the scale!!!!

keep elevating the sparks!

HoW BaD Do U wAnT tO bE gOoD...

As i got on to the plane from colorodo to new york i was sobbing... literly tears coming out of my eyes.I was pondering and thiking back of how amazaing my summer was. The friends i made, The tanya i learnt, The people i cried and laughed with...all just came rushing to my head, thinking when i am gonna see these friends i made? so another tear comes rolling down...! Then finally when i stopped crying I thought a bit more and said to myslef... snap out of it... life is amazing i had the most unbeliveble experience speanding a summer with so many people so many backgrounds its amazaing to see how many people changed throught the 3 weeks... it was inspiring and uplifting
I learnt so much, to appreicate life because its so amzaing and nothing is bad in the world nothing... because it all comes from Hashem,and since Hashem isnt bad nothing is bad!
alright... counslers... i want to thank you so much for everything i wouldnt have done any of it myself.. i miss you all and ill write again soon...

hey guys.... colorodo is ausome... im loving it dont have much time to write ... but miss you all!!!!

IM OFF TO COLORODO...

BE BACK JULY 27!!!!

Home Sweet Home

well... im finaly home since pesach! its been a while ... not used to....

people coming in to my room....

my mother making my bed.....

cleaning lady doing my laundry....

my mother screamin....

my mother telling me dont be late....

or...come home its getting late....

well i guess life is getting back to normal but not for long... im getting out of here soon i'm heading to colorodo for Manis Friedman summer program...i'm really excited but nervosue at the same time!!

I cant belive 2 years flew by that i lived in new york...

I got my high school diploma...

I graduated ....

And noone thought I would ever make it... Noone had hope in me.... Everyone doubted me ....

Everyone told me I'll never make it anywhere....

Everyone told me I'll be on the streets...

well... EVERYONE... guess.. what... i moved on in life..!!!! school is finaly over i waited sooo long for this day since i entered first day i counted down the years of leaving school... and NOW its over...I'm sad and happy at the same time...

sad:because now its time to move on to a diffrent stage in life... not always being friends with who u were always friends with ... cuz they also move on and i wish they can be there forever...

happy: because I GRADUATED... i never have to enter high school again...!!!! i know its sounds crazy... but i hated high school with my heart and soul... and now its all over!!!

and like it says "life is not a book, it can be over in a second"
have a great summer.... and ill fill u in how everythings going...!!!

mixed emotions

well this week 2 things happend...

#1 someone i know passed away # 2 someone i know had triplets....

how is someone seposed to feel??

why is this all hapening? how does G-d expect me to be happy?

Everyday something else... Everyday someone esle gets hurt, while somone just got engaged or had a baby...

should i cry or be happy? how can u be happy when these things are happening in the world? on the other hand, someone jsut had triplets how can u be sad?

everytime i loose someone i just think sometimes that one day it might be me and its a really scary thought that scares me and sometimes i just dont sleep thiking about all these horrible things. why cant G-d do something good? why did he deserve to die? why does anyone deserve to die? its painfull when u loose someone and u dont know where to put urself... i dont know how people just carry on ... but on the other hand where will u end up if not? wat will happen to u if u just cry all day? well sometimes i just feel like doing that and i dont care wat people tell me.

but again its always the good people this happends to why them? why not me? why not anyone else? i can sit and cry all day but i know i wont get anywhere ... and i just gotta be strong but i cant... i keep fighting withmyslef...i have constant struggles... i cry to my friends they cry to me and we jsut sit and cry.. and i try calming her down... but i'm not calm myslef...

when will this all end?

("sonia lansky" i just want you to know im sitting here crying and thiking of u...and i dont want to leave u eventhough we are going to diffrent seminarys, and u might go to college and i might end up on shlichus or married.... or wtvr g-d has in plans for me and u and i just want you to know i promise ill be here for you forever and i'm really really gonna miss u soo much and ill never ever forget u!!