His Mind is not being heard, I feel like he is not on the planet. He runs up and down, his glasses fall, he tries to bend down to pick them up but he fails...  The Bully next to him already stepped on them crunch...crunch....

He burst in to tears and cries, Why me? I don't understand!

The 7 Year old is hurt 

all he wants is for someone to understand him, when i ask him to do his work he just says he cant and does anything else but. 

I wish he was happy...

His hands bang the table. In one hand he has a pencil and in the other has an eraser.

I call his name asking him to stop...

he wont answer me.

He is in another world.

He runs out of the room when he hears a penny drop there he is jogging to see what happend.

He cant sit still for more than a second.

Its so frustrating 

I get so impatient 

I call his name again and again and again no response, he seems so troubled and sounds like he's gonna cry 

I give him a hug and out he bursts 

Jerusalem if i forget you!!!

I miss Israel!

well 8 days ago I surprised my parents for my cousins Barmitzva in Toronto.My aunt bought me a ticket and at the same time i would surprise my parents!well it worked! they were shocked!

my mother fell on the floor and burst out crying ran to me and gave me a huge hug and kept hugging me for 5 minutes straight!It was amazing!! and worth every second!

My dad only came in on Friday morning... when he saw he looked at me then looked away he couldn't believe his eyes! he burst out laughing and asked what I'm doing here!!.... he started crying and was so happy to see me! felt so loved!....

anyway so being home is awesome i was never so excited to be home before!

I'm away from all the seminary action and the dorm drama... and to tell you the truth i do not miss seminary! but i do miss all my friends! it's just so good to be home have a good shower... go shopping in normal malls... sleeping in comfortable beds!... and the list goes on! I think i came home perfect timing smack in middle of the year and in 2 months ill be home again for Pesach!!

anyway was good to be home! but i miss ISRAEL and I'm looking forward to going back....

SHABBOS IN CHEVRON

well well... shabbos was amazing! its unbelievable how people live in chevron and are so strong and brave to live everysingle day of theire lives without fear...
I was petrefied to walk in the streets of chevron it is so scary to know that any second some stupid arab can just shoot and kill anyone. Everytime i would walk out of out hostel i would tell the soldiers how scared i am and ask them if they can walk me ... they got pretty offended when i said i was scared... How can i say im scared when they are there to protect me and make sure nothing happends...they kept telling me how i have to have Emunah and i have to trust in G-d and that there is nothing to be afraid of because G-d watches over us...

The people there are amazing I heard ausome stories its cool to know that i was walking where our 4 fathers walked and and where yitzchak had his bris and to visit yishai and ruth's keiver and to go in to Avraham Avinu shul....its unreal... to go to Mearas Hamachpeila friday night and daven with the calbach minyan its stuning... I LOVE CHEVRON...

memorable Fabrengen

So... Last night we were supposed to have this guy fabreng with us but last minute he cancelled we find out one of our teachers is coming to fabreng,and I personaly do not like him.
moving on were sitting at ourweekly fabrengen and the Rabbi walks in and the usual were all Talking and making as if he wasn't there...
He speaks up and says
"Girls what is a fabrengen?"
a girl replies .... "Its when you open up" and girls just gave the regular answers. Anyway so he goes on and asks a question... Does anyone want to be by yechidus with the Rebbe? So some said yes I wish... Others said no I would be so scared ....
then he goes on and starts saying how we have to be real.. we have to be hoest with ourselves... we have to face the truth!He asked us when the last time we were truthfull to ourselves...?
anyway we have a long discution and he stops and says "girls do you want to sing?" so were like no we just want to continue. So he said girls do me a favor im gonna leave the room and ur gonna sing a niggun and ur gonna sing this niggun till you feel like ur in a certain place and u feel like ur there, and you facing yourselves....

Ayayayayaya.... The niggun goes on and it starts of with 2 people singing, then 3 ... eventualy it was most of us and its getting louder and louder and higher and higher...
I close my eyes and think so hard , I picture myself in a forest standing alone in the rain ... And its pouring and I'm singing this niggun lower and then I start singing it louder and im just standing in one place and i'm not going anywhere... im not moving. As I start singing the niggun louder I start walking faster and faster and eventualy I'm running... I bound to find myself in front of 770 waiting to be the next one in line and the door knob is turning and my heart stops....
REALITY JUST HIT...

Blockage

My mind swells up in confusion... Why am I confused? Why can't I just get the picture? My head lightly falls as it gently hits my arm... I feel the sensation of my eyelashes flicker up and down on my arm... As I'm drifting off, my eyelashes pierce together, a sea of words envelope me... The words being spoken out loud, but seems far from a distance. Something is blocking, and i feel deafness, why can't I understand? Why does it seem all lost...sometimes you think you've got it all figured out... But it's more than that... my goal is to go beyond all this, and wake up, snap out of it, this is reality!

Thoughts of my day

I'm fustrated, my mind is overflowing...My thoughts are not being heard, or maybe I'm just not expressive enough...So many days have passed, I feel like its all a blur and I'm just wasting my time...
I feel like my foots in my mouth and I cant express my words...
Ever feel like u don't belong? Or like when your with the wrong crowd and u kind of don't fit in? Or how about when people say they can read you like a book, its really irritating and could be annoying.
I feel like there's a sword piercing through my heart, Its just pounding faster and faster... What do people want from me? Or more like what don't they want from me?
what do people expect of me? Do I really expect too little of myself?
All I want is to be true and honest with myself...
but that's when the fustration kicks in... It seems like noone cares or noone is intrested and it makes me feel down and upset...Or maybe I'm just being jugementle
I just feel empty

Suckot in israel

suckot in israel was beutifull! Just coming to the kotel friday night and seeing thousands of people davening with theire heart and souls... Its just stuning...
Then you see a bunch of seminary girls just grabing random people and soldiers and just dancing away at the kotel! where else would u see this? I dont know why the Israelies would pack up thiere bags for Tishrei and move to crown hieghts? I mean i understand they want to be with the Rebbe... we feel the Rebbe here to ... we are in the holy land... the jewish land ... where everything happend... where in the world would you see suckas everywhere? and going to the arba minim shuck erev suckot where thousands of people are selling esrogim and lulavim...? its pretty ausome...I think!
just so many things happend over suckot ... i can sit and write for hours all the dramatic experiences... trying to get on a bus to chevron to be with everyone and go to the kvorim you got pushed and smashed and kicked and literly people risked theire lives to go to chevron and im not exagerating... my friend got a tomato smashed in her face all this to be in chevron! on the way back from chevron was even worse it was insane we tried leaving chevron at 5 30pm we didnt get on a bus till 11pm you had to seriously push and push and push and squish to get on a bus and its like all of a sudden shomer negiah doesnt exsist... u have the frumest rabbies with payis down to thiere toes pushing you and smashing you... its a real turn of, u would think they are so frum that when u ask for directions they stop for a second ...look dow and walk away... they wouldnt look at a girl but when it comes to gettig back home... they can touch,push,squeeze,bite,hit,curse... the whole 9 yards.. wtvr! but in the end it was worth the trip to chevron i had a blast dancing with all my friends at the concert!
anyway like i said i can sit an write for hours lots of thoughts are going on in my head!!! and i wish i could but i dont have much time to be online
anyway guys israel is cool so far! i'm sure it will get better! its only the begining
love you all and miss you tons!!